Circle of power

I am back from Tanzania after a vacation full of realisation, learning, appreciation and anxiety. In essence, this was the best vacation that I have ever had, especially in terms of the photos that I was blessed with. I think that I have been fortunate enough to capture all that I have, during this vacation. I saw things that never have seen before, learnt about things that I never knew before, and I wish to share some of them with all of you.

I would like to begin with this photo which was taken during my visit to Bagamoyo, the old slave trade village the Germans once controlled. I don't really consider my photos to be strong story-tellers, but when I took this photo and simultaneously came to know about the history of the place, I felt that I was able to compress a fairly large amount of history into a single photo and I was quite overwhelmed. You see, the photo you're looking at, is a frame that summarises the daily life of millions of people back in the days when the slave trade existed. I normally rise before the sun most of the days, and one of the first things that I want to see is the sun. I want to take in all its power, all its energy, all its strength and use them to fuel my day. I want to start my day brimming with positivity, brimming with energy, brimming with the audacity to question everything that has been accepted blindly. And I think that many other people want their mornings to start that way too. And I think that that's one of the best ways to start one's mornings. But now let's get back to history. Let's get back to what a normal person went through in a place like Bagamoyo during the olden days. You see, Bagamoyo used to be a prominent village for the slave trade, where African slaves were taken to American plantations to work for their white masters. So that meant a family could easily be broken apart. People never knew whether they would be with their family the next day. While most of us these days wake up looking for some good news, an average person in Bagamoyo used to wake up and rush to see whether there's a boat waiting at the shore to take away slaves. The sun wasn't the first thing that they would've wanted to see. Instead, this scene- a boat waiting at the shore would've been exactly the thing that they didn't want to see. They would wake up with the same fear of losing their family to the white masters. They would spend every day of their life as though it was their last. They would start their day thinking about the challenges they would face when taken to America for work. I mean, one side of it is a train of positive thought flow where you consider possibilities and opportunities you'd get by migrating to a distant place. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. What mostly occurred was a train of negative, agonizing and melancholic thoughts that focussed on the loss of freedom, the compulsion to accept their lifestyle and succumb to their masters' demands and rules. People mostly thought about how much they would suffer and prayed badly to get a good master who treated them like people and not things. And they had their reasons to do so, since stories of how slaves were ill-treated littered the world just like how cigarette butts litter today's land. Stories of brutal, inhumane and inconsiderate treatments meant slaves lived every day of their life in fear and anxiety.

I mean, when we introspect ourselves deeply and question our ideologies, we would find that more often than not, we tend to take things for granted. We tend to take the concept of family for granted at times. When we ask ourselves about how many times we actually go out of our way to help mom or dad with something small in the kitchen or garage, more often than not, we the kids who have been brought up in a place like Dubai, which is spoiled with luxury in many ways, the answer is no. We don't have anything called going out of our way. I don't wish to blame anyone or anything, but it doesn't have to be this way. I mean, where are the times when the family used to function as a powerful and enthralling circle? Where are the times when family used to be your first and closest circle? Families used to be loving and caring. Families used to be about co=operation. Families used to be all about 'what can I do for the other person that would make his or her day better?' Today, they're about 'when will my son finish studying so that I can retire?' It's about 'when will my daughter get married so that I can retire?' Times have changed a lot from 'oh dear my son is ill and I need to help him' to 'oh dear my son is ill and I have to pay for his medical treatment'. I once remember listening to a small story that I think best describes how family used to be. So there was an old man and a woman, and the old man came home after work and asked the woman to prepare tea for him to drink. The old woman had just finished all the household chores and wanted some rest. So her granddaughter, who could understand this, offered to prepare tea for him. And after she served her grandfather the tea she made, the grandmother told her what made me appreciate how beautiful not just south Indian culture was, but the concept of family as a whole. She said these dynamizing words, "Thank you, dear. You've done me a huge favour". Upon hearing these words for the first time, I didn't get excited. But when I gave it some thought, I realized how much we've lost over the years. I realized how much we've missed out. You see, the woman doesn't just consider serving the family members as her duty and responsibility. She doesn't just consider serving tea to her husband as her duty. She considers her whole family's needs like her own. When she knows that someone needs something, she immediately obligates to serving those needs. She doesn't care about the practical difficulties, she doesn't care about how it would be difficult for her to serve all 5-6 people in the family (families used to be large in the past). I mean, in the past, you woke up women in any ungodly hour, they would wake up without hesitation to serve their family in what they need. Although that's still seen today, it's become very rare. With the concept of nuclear families becoming the norm, when we have barely 4 people in a family, we're seeing such high levels of dysfunction. Back in those days, people used ti have dinner together, where they wouldn't watch TV, not use phones, not listen to anything unnecessary. Dinner tables used to be where the family got to know each other better and better. We used to debate ideas. We used to solve problems by talking to each other. We used to make sure that everyone eats a satisfying meal- that's the main point behind a family dinner- at least one meal a day that is truly sufficient and satisfying. That's just one example of how joint and strong our family used to be. We never even had any thought about how clicking food pictures used to be better than interacting face to face with our family members and listening to their ideas, to how their day went and all that. We used to give 100% of our family time, to our family. These days, seeing all happy faces on social media with photos as a family full of strangers is the norm. I mean, family is the group that calls you for a meal when it is time. Family is the group that guides you. Family is the group that understands you. Family is the group that shouts at you for your benefit. Family is the group that doesn't expect anything from you. Family is the group that tells you what's wrong about you on your face, and what's good about you behind your back. Not the other way round. Most people spend time with the group that they fit in rather than the group that fits them. And it doesn't end there. Most people choose a group that they fit in because they're unable to realize what they are. What their true potential is. They don't remain stubborn and true to themselves. In essence, they just want a group immediately and it doesn't matter whether that would lead them to the right path or not. They just want a group. They fear to spend time alone. They fear being called a loner. They fear loneliness. They fear missing out on something when they're alone.

What I want you to take away from this is this. Make friends. Friends can become family- perfectly possible. Hanging out can do a lot more than just make you have some fun. True. But remember, no matter how close you are to someone, it is very rare to find someone coming out of their way, sacrificing their needs to help you. The only people who would do that would be your family- especially your parents. I mean, all your friends have a family of their own too. And your relationship with your friends is different from the one you have with family. So, in essence, my point is that while we continue to enjoy good friendships with people who have fun, we should spend time with our family. Spend quality time with them. I think a family works both ways- it's more of selflessness where everyone in the family tries to help each other. Imagine how beautiful that is- the amount of energy that you'd feel when you see everyone monomaniacally and selflessly dedicates their time and energy to help people who want to guide you to the right direction in whatever way they can. Now compare that to spending time with people by doing pointless things just because there's a fake but pleasure-promising perception of pointless and crazy things being cool. Of course, it is hard-wired int our DNA to choose comfort over learning and acceptance, but in this age of information, knowledge and development when the world has come a very long way, I think it isn't right to choose pointless entertainment over meaningful favours. I think we shouldn't take family for granted. I think we need to start channelling more time and energy towards family than pointless pleasure.